Insufficient Funds


I was reminded this morning that I had to use my overdraft account last week. My mind got fuzzy and I forgot about an auto-payment that goes through every month. Every month. Automatically. On the same day. Just slipped my mind. Slipped through one of the many holes in my Swiss cheese brain. Thank goodness for overdraft – so the payment went through. No one, other then myself, got notified there was insufficient funds. I was able to transfer back the overdraft amount quickly, but at the end of the billing cycle I get a reminder that I owe the overdraft account the $1.50 fee for processing. Not a huge deal, $1.50. I sent the payment right away, or else it would slip my mind. Again. And on I went, like nothing had happened. Fee paid, life forward!

It got me thinking about an MS quote I saw somewhere online, something about some people feeling like a million bucks when they wake up. And people with MS wake up feeling like there are “insufficient funds!” I know that feeling, that lead legged, brain fog that does not shake away with coffee. Does not shake away ever. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could simple pay the overdraft fee? Use the energy you need now. And at the end of the month get a reminder that you used more energy then you had in your bank and you can simple pay the difference now and all will be forgiven. Forgotten. And life goes on. Imagine!

But, that’s not how it is – is it? There is no fee to be paid simply at the end of the month. End of the billing cycle. No emailed reminder to pay up. It’s an every day struggle to maintain. The alarm goes off for it’s last time in a succession of snoozes. Your eyes peel open, stare into nothing but darkness. Momentarily unsure if the darkness is the fog fighting to stay put or some new eye related issue robbing your vision. Again. Blink. Pause. Sight adjusts. And up you go. Staggering into a somewhat standing position to begin the routine necessary to mask the exhaustion and discomfort from the outside world. Squint painfully into the just turned on bathroom lighting and assess the situation for the day. Good day? Bad day? Or just the usual insufficient funds.